Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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