i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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