yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
