new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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