i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
