Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
