john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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