Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
