The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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