Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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