I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
