normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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