kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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