Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
