Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
