You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
