wakey wakey hands off snakey
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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