I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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