so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
