so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
