YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
