U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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