My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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