my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
