I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
