Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
