there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
