you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
