trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
