There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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