I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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