the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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