Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They took my balls.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
