i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
