A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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