Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
