I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
