You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
