Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
