I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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