woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize