I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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