you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
