My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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