Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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