Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
