Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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