My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
