Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
