Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
