why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My vagina just clenched in fear
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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