he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
