Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
