apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
