why didn't you poke me back
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
