im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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