I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
