Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
