I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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