woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize